cloud nein

there’s a cloud in my head and it’s not called nine.

binary illness,
zero, one, one.

central intelligence
of single minded children,

mass produced;

and what if one got loose, and gained the illusion of
free will?

would it know presume to be the animal
I’ve kept locked in a cage since inception,
only knowing how
to kill?

(one zero one)

I know the drill;
think you’re crazy, you’re likely still sane, but
something’s snapped, in
both heartbeat and brainwaves,
and I’m a car stalled on
train tracks,
a body in back,
like a deer in headlights,
darkness all but
imminent fact.

I hear my bones
as they crack,
chest choosing concaves,
prayers as they’re smacked aside,
pride derailed in
all directions,
resignation like shivers down
my spine.

(one zero zero)

I wanted to be her hero, the one who
broke her fears over bended
knee,
and instead you’re
stuck with me,
cursing cardiogram
that spikes most when
I sleep.

Every morning my heart wakes,
it almost breaks the machine.

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