Round Robin 2013: Winner

10 Things I Need You to Know

I tried to write out
a basic will and
last testament,
but in light of my
estate’s even
lighter pockets-
two drawers of socks and
a box of indecipherable
scribbles,

it’s insignificant.

I have so little to
my name,
and not to quibble
over loose change, but I’d
probably edit it
to no end
anyway.

So here are ten things
I need you to
know,
just in
case my heart gives
out tomorrow.

Number one, donate my
body to science so
they can figure out how
to bring me
back as
a lion.

Cryogenically,
alter me genetically
until I can make a grown
man cry using only
my eyes.

Scratch that.
Stick with the
lion.

Two, my pants with the
holes, they’re not
trash, they are
priceless.

Never throw them
away.

Three, I am terrified of
bees. I don’t care
if they go extinct,
but should they,
actually,
you will know it
was me.

(Little buggers.)

Four, don’t make me
suffer any more
than necessary.

Pull the damn
plug if needed.

Number five, that
box goes to Stefan, to give
Skye when she’s ten, twenty,
thirty, a time in
her life she could
be hurting and
I’m not there
for her.

My life’s work
belongs
to her.

Six, please make
sure I’m dead because nothing
says headache like waking up, in a box, with
the bugs and smell
of sand and mud and
dirt and
that would be my absolute
worst kind of nightmare.

Negated by seven, since I want
a cremation, not a cent
more expensive than
necessary-

here’s a thousand bucks
to cover any
costs you
may incur.

Eight, teach our
daughter how to skate because
frankly,
I only figured out
how to move
forward with my
face.

Nine, tell her Daddy
loves her every
single day.
That she changed my
life for the
better,
in every
conceivable way.

Ten, know I love you and
I’m sorry it was
abrupt.

I’m sorry I never fixed that
kitchen light
the same
one you might
be hesitant
to immediately replace,
or had time to give
you both
one final hug.

Safeguard our daughter and
let her, likewise,
take care of you.

Okay, that was eleven
but I’m being beckoned over by
some dude with a beard.
I think he’s about
to shoot me for
questioning his existence.

I guess you won the
bet, my dear.

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3 thoughts on “Round Robin 2013: Winner

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